Sunday, June 08, 2008

mile 80 Battle with the God of Thunder

I was just several miles from bay shore as the thunderstorm descended with full fury. Riding alone through forested lands by the sea, I was hit by everything at once. The heavy rains caused a sudden drop in temperature from 100 degrees to around 60 degrees. I had been riding for 10 hours straight, and the sudden temperature drop caused my leg muscles to spasm uncontrollably. The darkened heavens sent bolts of lightening down all around me. It was a vision of fierce and untamed beauty. The winds of the thunderstorm were quite strong, and they somehow transformed the sound of the nearby sea waves. The sound of the wind and sea in concert was haunting, like the agonized wailing of hundreds of people.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightening struck a massive oak tree 30 yards to my right. At the edge of my vision, I saw the darkened silhouette of the tree's canopy as it was sheared off by the bolt from the heavens. The flash of lightening blinded me, the thunder was like a thousand rifles going off at once. An earth-shattering crack followed by the ringing deafness of my own ear drums. Something came a split second after the thunder, it was a blast of air. The air pressure was very strong and hot to the point of being painful. The air bubble enveloped the right side of my body and knocked me off balance. I fought for control as my bicycle skidded to a crash landing in a clearing by the side of the road. I took the picture then.

I admit now that I was probably hallucinating from fatigue, pain, and shock. But what transpired in my mind then seemed just as real to me as anything. I thought that I was fated to die just then. I thought that Thor, the god of thunder had wanted me dead. I imagined that the howling winds were the souls of countless Massapequa Indians calling me into the underworld. I got onto my bicycle and began pedalling hard. Pretty soon, both of my legs began cramping. The pain was savage and unrelenting, but I kept pushing onwards. In my disoriented state, I felt strangely disconnected from the pain, almost as if I was a spectator on my own plight.

A man should not be forced to contemplate his own mortality. Death, if it comes , should be swift and hopefully sudden. But there I was, on my bike, in the middle of nowhere, contemplating my own death. For one thing, life certainly did not flash before my eyes, that must be a Hollywood gimmick. But I did feel quite a bit of regret then, regret at not being able to keep some of the promises that I had made to myself and others. I would not be able to teach my kid cousin how to make arrows out of ash wood, obsidian, and turkey feathers. I promised him that two winters ago, when we crafted his first red-oak longbow together, but other things always took priority. I thought that I would not be able to give my mother a grandson as she wanted. I had promised her that last year when she was (falsely) diagnosed with cancer. I was greatly saddened by that thought. But most of all, I regretted never finding a woman who could love me in return. It was something that I had always wanted but apparently never had. The sadness soon turned into anger and anger became rage. I didn't want to die just then, and I pedalled even harder. Harder than I have ever pedalled in my life. I wanted life. I remember cursing aloud at Thor and Odin in the pouring rain, daring them to strike me down, promising revenge if they did.

It seemed like an eternity, but the worst of the storm passed as I came out of the woods in sight of the town of Bay Shore. To the Western Horizon, I can see the last rays of sunlight coming out of the edge of the storm clouds. I felt as if I had defied the will of the gods and wrested back my own life. It felt awesome!!!!!

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